Belmont Village Quarterly Newsletter
on Senior Living

Nurturing the Parent/Child Relationship in Maturity

As families mature, it’s not uncommon to see role changes between seniors and their children, as adult children begin to take a hand in managing the financial, health, transportation and safety needs of parents.  This transition begins to occur for a variety of reasons and is usually in the best interest of all, but like many changes in life, it can be awkward and even challenging at first.  While neither seniors nor their adult children usually find this role reversal comfortable in the beginning, it can be managed through love and communication. 

For seniors, giving up decision-making can challenge their self-esteem. For adult children, it may be embarrassing and can even arouse anxiety to view their parents as dependent and vulnerable. If not handled well, this role shift can lead to tension, frustration and conflict between adult children and their aging parents that can overshadow the basic need that was the initial catalyst for change. This is why it’s important for families to realistically look at changes and be prepared to positively communicate with each other.
           
The primary decisions seniors are faced with concern where they will live and how they will spend their free time.  Any change, be it arranging for help in the home or moving to an assisted living community, is best managed as a team, with senior parents evaluating, and expressing their feelings, preferences and comfort level.  Communities vary widely in their ambiance and the specific services that they offer and finding the right fit is important. Taking the time to weigh the needs and interests of the person who will be living there will help ensure a smooth and successful transition for all involved.

Learning to listen to your parent and truly hear what he or she is saying is the first step.  Understanding what they may be hearing when you speak and how that could affect their feelings and attitude is the second.  For example, instead of saying, “It’s beautiful here. There’s so much to do. How could you not like it?” ask your parent how he or she likes the community and really listen to his or her answer.  Be prepared to delve deeper if need be, to discover the real issues. But remember not to push too hard or ask to discuss too many issues at once. Your parent may become overwhelmed and shut down. Instead, let loved ones know that their opinions matter. Be responsive and open to what they have to say.
           
Adult children can be an enormous resource for parents who are navigating through their elder years. There are adjustments and decisions to be made. The goal to keep in mind is the attainment of a sense of well-being, purpose and self-esteem. Remember, your parents’ transition issues are real, and their observations are valid, as are your own. A primary objective in communicating throughout the life cycle is “empowerment” – the feeling that we have the ability and opportunity to make choices and have input in our life. This is a key aspect of fulfillment for adults at any age. 

Keep in mind that some older adults have an excellent ability to adjust, transition and keep busy, while others struggle more with change. Family involvement, support and open communication are crucial factors in enhancing and facilitating adjustments and helping parents establish a fulfilling life in the senior years.

For a free guide to senior living that includes an explanation of available options and tips for choosing, please click here.

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